i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
