What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
