After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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