I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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