Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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