fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
