My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
