I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
