hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
