Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we're making bets on your personal life
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
