Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
