Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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