My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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