Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
