How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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