i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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