You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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