watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
