You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My cat gives me a boner
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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