Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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