5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
