Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
