Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
