Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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