Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
