I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Pants are for mortals
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
