Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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