dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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