Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
