what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
