just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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