I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
