my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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