Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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