coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
