I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
