my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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