Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
