btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
