well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
