You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
