Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
