I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
