I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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