you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
