you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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