You're completely useless in the revolution.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
