I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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