Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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