haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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