Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he fucked my hip out of place.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
