Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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