why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
why is half of my head shaved?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
